Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Come Back To The Five-And-Dime, Scarlett Jo, Scarlett Jo

JA here - I just finished watching Woody Allen's Scoop. You know something's gone wrong when you turn to the person you're watching a movie with about 3/4 of the way through and express a desire to have said movie end with the lead actress being murdered. I mean - just think of it! It would've been wonderful. Hugh Jackman and Woody Allen could've walked into the sunset saying that it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and Hugh could become Woody's (oft shirtless) muse... at least until the inevitable second film, apparently, where Woody would tell Hugh to suddenly act like Woody Allen and I'd wish Hugh to be offed by the final reel as well.

I'm taking several factors that fell into place just now as a sign that I should do a post crying out for Scar-Jo to regain her senses. Well actually... just two factors - one, just having watched Scoop, and two, having looked on IMDb to see what future horrors she's got up her sleeve and seeing The Other Boleyn Girl is directed by Justin Chatwick, who was also the director of the BBC mini Bleak House, which I am smack-dab in the middle of right now and very much enjoying. Yes, that's all it takes to get a rant out of me. Consider yourselves warned!

I digress. I know Nat liked Scarlett in Scoop, so perhaps I am, well, shitting at the guest table here. But no no no no no. Dreadful. Her every line reading was like someone took their fingernails to a chalkboard and then the chalkboard fell off a cliff and exploded in a fiery ball of chalkboard shrapnel which flew into my ear canals and deafened me for life. And so I thought back to the last thing I saw her in, and realized she was in The Prestige, and that I couldn't remember a single moment of her onscreen time besides when she unveiled that skimpy magician's assistant outfit. Va va voom blah. Has Scar-Jo been swallowed by the twins, I ask myself?

But I'm still holding out hope. I love Ghost World Scarlett, I love Lost In Translation Scarlett. Hell, I even liked In Good Company Scarlett. One of the twenty films she's making for next year needs to remind me of that Scarlett. The one who seemed effortlessly real in front of the camera, and smart beyond her years, and charmed me with that throaty voice and sideways grin.

I mean, it's like I'm the Enid to her Rebecca (seriously, I'm so anybody's Enid, if you'll just let me be), and this is the part of the movie where we think our friendship's fallen apart, thinking that we just don't have anything in common anymore. She's decided she needs to assimilate into the world a bit and has to stop being so gosh dang caustic all the time, which results in, say, The Island happening. Shudder. Come back to the freaks, Scarlett! We've grown, too, I promise. We can totally get that apartment together now. I'm not playing with the hearts of middle-aged record collectors anymore! Now you can put down the bottle of bleach and the terrifying cleavage-strangling outfits, and just be natural again. Please.

I've gotta say, though - I know you still got something, Scarlett, cuz I am gay as all get out and this pic over to the right makes me wanna make babies. Ahem. Finis.
.

13 comments:

Kris said...

My God. Are there more pics, like, an entire SHOOT, of that last photo? Cuz my GRACIOUS.

I agree with this whole entry, by the way.

Lucas Dantas said...

I love the sexdiva she turned out to be, but all this overexposition i must agree is kind of annoying. I mean, you blink and there it goes another movie with Scarlett. I think it's great she's become a star and has all this appeal, but I mean, is there even time for her to work on a character? I'm not a professional actor, but I did some acting classes and it's not simple job to create a whole new persona; and as far as we know Johansson is no Streep.

RC said...

i enjoyed scar-jo's performance in scoop far more than her performance in the prestige.

Kris said...

Seriously, I know I'm in the straight minority, but you gotta point me to this pictorial. My gay friends always score the hottest pics, what gives!?

adam k. said...

I liked Scarlett in both Scoop and The Prestige. I just avoided The Black Dahlia altogether.

But yeah, I miss the old "real person" Scarlett. It would be nice to see her back once in a while.

Anonymous said...

Ugh, as much as I enjoyed her performance in Matchpoint, I too have over-dosed on Scarlet this year... She just drove me crazy in Scoop (I would have loved to see her finish up in that lake, if not sooner!) and was totally uninspiring in Black Dahlia (I can't believe I ignored by better judgement and allowed my friends to drag me off to that one). Prestige isn't out here yet, but I'm planning on ignoring her and concentrating on the great actors an excellent director has brought together ;o).

NATHANIEL R said...

y'all are missing out if you're skipping The Black Dahlia --yes, it's a mess. yes, Scarlett is bad in it. But there is SO much to discuss. messygood.

And plus all those pretty technical contributions. I hope some people will rent it in December when it arrives on DVD and ignore the bad reviews because even though it deserves the swipes it's still far more interesting than a lot of better pictures...

Glenn Dunks said...

Oh god yes! The Black Dahlia was stupendously ridiculously absurdly brilliant in my book.

Fascinating and Inept at the same time

Anonymous said...

Just an aside...I'm halfway through Bleak House myself and am thoroughly enjoying it! Cmon Netflix, send me the 2nd disc, stat!

Beau said...

'Black Dahlia' is one of the more interesting films you'll see this year.

I'm just praying the girl doesn't go into Jude-Law overload ala 2004. It didn't bug me back then, but it did for a long of other people, and that seems to be happening now.

I still give the girl props and'll stand beside her. I've seen very few performances in the years since that rival her intensity, her devotion and her ferocity in 'Girl With A Pearl Earring". WOW.

Anonymous said...

I haven't seen Scoop yet but I thought Johannson looked terrible in the trailers...Didn't seem to have a good sense of comedic timing. Seemed clunky.

I think that with Johansson, just like with a lot of actors and actresses, people jumped the gun in proclaiming her great talents. She is talented - but I've never understood why, from seeing a person give good performances in a few films, everyone is ready to pronounce them the next Great One. For me showing promise is not the same as proving oneself.

Anonymous said...

I have no idea what is the hypes about ScarJo... she is just plain bland and oversexed,,,

Anonymous said...

cool site
http://www.moviespoint.org/pierce-brosnon.php